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29 Things That Turn Me On A.K.A. Guide for How to Steal My Heart

Sorry, boys. This is not a guide for how to get in my pants. (Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.) It is, however, a window of opportunity for you to learn the ropes to dating me. Even though you probably weren’t wondering. But if you were.

Or really, just for the sake of hilarity and complete honesty, here is a list of qualities I find attractive. Rated PG:

 1. Politeness

If a date with a guy shows him being rude to the wait staff, then bye, see ya, peace.

 2. Good communication

Most men fail at this. I’m holding out for the one who skews the statistics.

 3. Pants that fit

Enough with the saggy bottom jeans. How do they even stay on?? HOW!?

 4. Healthy cuticles

My eyes tend to stray toward nail beds. If you’re barefoot, I’ll be eyeing those up, too.

 5. Musicality

If a man can play an instrument, then hubba hubba. Actually. There needn’t be a man involved. I get turned on just looking at a piano. Saxophones aren’t too shabby, either.

 6. Outgoingness

I have dated many introverts, but that doesn’t mean they stray from a challenge. (They dated me, after all.)

 7. Good with kids

A guy who goes beyond making an effort and actually enjoys playing with children is a winner in my book.

 8. Animal-lover

If a man’s best friend is his dog, and especially if that dog is a Pit Bull, then sign me up.

 9. Close to family

I get all warm and fuzzy when a guy is affectionate with his family and talks with them often.

 10. Flannel 

Those flannel button ups? Yes, please.

 11.  Good cook

Not gonna lie, if you’re a beast in the kitchen, you’ve stolen half my heart. (Food owns rights to the other half.)

12. Humor

I can’t date you if you don’t make me laugh. A lot. End of story.

 13. Unique laugh

And also, it is imperative that the guy finds me funny and that I make him laugh out loud and that he has a really genuine (maybe even obnoxious) laugh. Ugh. I love laughter so much. Maybe I should just date laughter…

 14. Smile

Speaking of genuine, a genuine smile is a must. When we take photos together, show your teeth.

 15. Respect

Damn straight.

 16. Brown hair

I must be attracted to this because all the guys I’ve dated have had brown hair. I also like green eyes or brown eyes. These physical traits are not make or break, but in keeping with full disclosure, you should know your chances can be improved.

Addendum to the brown hair: I also enjoy running my fingers through my man’s hair (possibly as encouragement for my own head scratches). So, I gravitate toward hair that can make both of our dreams come true. There have been exceptions.

 17. Activism

It’s a huge turn-on when men stand up for the rights of others. Especially women and children.

 18. Wait for the kiss

Don’t kiss me on the first date. Not even if I’m salivating in anticipation. And when you do decide to kiss me, make sure I want it out of respect and also to avoid this.

 19. Get to know my friends and family

Men who make little to no effort to know my friends and family will never, ever last. Those people are my everything.

 20. Outdoorsmen

I’m sorry if you expected us to spend all of our dates snuggled indoors watching Netflix. While this is delightful, let’s save this for the conclusion of a long day hiking in the mountains. Or after a day saving handicapped goats. I’m open to suggestions.

 21. Surprises

In case you’re in need of suggestions, I will happily drop hints for you.

 22. Adventures

I will always choose an adventure over something tangible. Men who get this about me will go far.

 23. Sensitivity

I like my men emotional. I myself am very sensitive, and it means a lot that even if my feelings don’t make sense, my man understands. Also, periods suck. Compassion during the menses, while difficult, is quite charming.

 24. Self-control

This can be exhibited in many ways. Sobriety is an obvious head-turner for me, but a rare trait in this day and age. What is even more of a turn-on is a man who knows when to rein it in.

 25. Celebrating accomplishments

I sincerely celebrate other people’s accomplishments like they’re my own, and I wish for my partner to similarly partake in my own happy dances.

 26. Dance with me

Speaking of dancing, for God’s sake, dance a slow dance with me. My heart will melt and we will be soulmates henceforth.

27. Nice to old people

I really, really like old people. If a guy goes out of his way to help an elderly person cross the street, there’s a 98 percent chance I’ll propose to him right then and there.

28. Non-smoker

Non-negotiable.

 29. Honesty

Above all else, be honest.

Alright, your turn. Ladies and gents, what turns you on in a significant other? Share in the comments below. PG please. PG.

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