How “Calm Corner” Spaces Build Social / Emotional Skills for Children

We’ve all got that comfy spot we throw ourselves into when we need to relax, be it lounging on the sofa, sprawling out on the bed, or kicking back in a patio chair. Adults and children need breaks to decompress every now and then.

While working at a preschool for children with special needs, the teachers and I created a cozy space for regulating emotion–aptly dubbed the “calm corner.”

Read about how calm corners in the classroom and home setting are pivotal to child social/emotional development in my most recent article for my school’s website.

P.S. OMG I’ve written so many articles about emotions.

How Animals Help Children Learn

The first decade of my adult life–i.e. the first decade of my career–I dedicated to animals. I of course dabbled in acting and writing, often merging the three, but I also dabbled in education as a private tutor and environmental educator.

To kick off the second decade of my adulthood, I switched careers, focusing full-time on education (and of course still dabbling with acting and writing and trying to teach kids about animals every chance that I get).

Yes, those are all drawings from my students who still can’t stop talking about my guinea pig even though she visited them months ago.

My end goal is still to open a sanctuary for animals with disabilities helping people with disabilities. I’ve seen first-hand in and out of the classroom how children connect with animals and come out of their shell.

Read about my experiences with animal therapy for children with disabilities in this article on my school’s website.

22 Things I’ve Learned Through Dating & Dumping

1. Honesty is the greatest attribute in a significant other, down to one’s selfless ability to tell the truth even if it means they are the one that causes pain.

2. Trust between two people should be earned, and trust between two people should be respected. Unfortunately, should be is not the same as will be.

3. Beware of taking things for granted. Gratitude never gets old, no matter how long you’ve been together.

4. You can be friends with some exes. You won’t likely be friends with all your exes.

5. There will be times you put your faith in someone and they let you down. If they let you down in the form of cheating, get out.

6. If you and your partner aren’t communicating, work on fixing it or else your relationship is doomed.

7. If he keeps you a secret from everyone else, run for the hills.

8. Learn each other’s love language.

9. Do not lose yourself in a relationship and don’t be anyone but yourself in a relationship.

10. If two people aren’t in the same place feeling-wise, the one who wants less always wins.

11. You have to get past the honeymoon phase before you’ll know if you two are really compatible.

12. Both people have to compromise in order for the relationship to flourish.

13. When you’re in a relationship with someone else, you’re still in a relationship with yourself. Don’t neglect that. Alone time is vital.

14. Sometimes a person will awaken your love without the intention of fully loving you. Sometimes that’s cowardice, sometimes that’s cruel, and sometimes that’s just life.

15. If he says he wants to focus on his career or isn’t ready for a relationship now, he’s really just not that into you. Find someone who would, if it came down to it, tell you if he’s just not that into you.

16. You can’t force someone to love you back.

17. There will be people you take a chance on, and there will be people who you know you can’t take a chance on. Not everyone deserves a chance; sometimes you’ll give chances that shouldn’t have been given. And that’s okay.

18. Dating is about learning what you want and need in a relationship. Your wants and needs might change, and so might theirs. What you can give might change, or it might not.

19. You deserve to be with someone who lifts you up, not someone who pulls you down.

20. Sometimes you’ll grow together. Sometimes you’ll grow apart.

21. You never know how many firsts you’ll have before you have your last firsts.

22. Never, ever, ever, ever settle.

30 Things I’ve Learned in 30 Years

I’m 30 and it feels good.

I wouldn’t change my past, but I have certainly learned from it. So here’s my 30-year-old self telling my 40-year-old, 50-year-old, and 60-year-old selves some words of wisdom that took me three decades to grasp.

1. Self care isn’t all about treat yo self.

It means shedding the parts of your life that are dragging you down so that you can be comfortable in the life that you have instead of running from it.

2. Listen to your heart and your body.

You should always be comfortable in your home, your job, and your relationships. If something about these situations is making you anxious, assess and reassess. It is likely time to move on.

3. Communicate without charge.

Emotions should not lead a conversation. Nothing will be accomplished and someone will likely get hurt.

4. Know your worth.

If a job or a relationship isn’t giving you what you deserve, step away from it.

5. Do what makes you happy.

Find happiness in the little things. Find joy in the common and uncommon, not the large and impressive. Karaoke is one of my favorite things and I stopped caring if people think that’s weird.

6. Learn from your past to live in the present and shape the future.

Neither run from your past, nor regret it, nor dwell in it. Use it to teach, encourage, and inspire others and yourself.

7. You don’t have to finish a book or movie if you’re not into it.

Time is precious. Downtime especially. These activities should be pleasurable. If you’re not into the story or style after 20 pages, find a new one.

8. Slow down.

I’ve become the smallest bit introverted and let go of my FOMO so that I can recharge my batteries and focus on me. (Don’t worry, I’m still crazy extroverted, too.)

9. Learn to say no.

You aren’t on this earth to please everybody. There is a time to put others first, and there is a time to put yourself first.

10. Learn to negotiate.

Hone this skill because you’ll use it a lot in life. Don’t let fear keep you from standing up for yourself.

11. Trust your gut.

It’s usually right.

12. The fear of failure is far worse than failure itself.

Take the plunge. You’ll get through it.

13. Always be curious.

Never stop seeking knowledge. The world is full of it, and we’ll ever only know a piece of it.

14. Be wary of opinions under the guise of advice.

Most people are giving you their opinion when you ask for advice.

15. Try new things.

Don’t let life become monotonous.

16. Find your balance.

I kickbox and I do yoga. 🙂

17. Reply to people.

Call, text, email… don’t leave people hanging. If you have time to pee, you have time to send a quick message. Ugh, and ghosting. Just don’t do it.

18. Maintaining close personal relationships shouldn’t take a lot of work.

They take effort and commitment–especially long distance–but they shouldn’t be exhausting or feel obligatory. But absolutely make the effort to keep in touch with people you care about who mutually care about you.

19. Have friends who are different than you.

Don’t surround yourself only with people who are similar to you. That only creates closed-mindedness.

20. Watch as many sunrises and sunsets as you can.

It reminds you of the important things in life.

21. Make short-term goals to reach long-term goals.

Otherwise, procrastination happens.

22. Sleep and eat right.

Make sure you’re getting enough sleep every night to function normally. It affects so much.  Along with good sleep, eating healthy is fuel for a clean body and mind.

23. Take vacation, sick, and personal days.

You earned them.

24. Build yourself up, don’t pull yourself down.

Constantly work at gratitude and encouragement for yourself. You deserve to be confident in who you are.

25. Spend money on what makes you happy and don’t judge others for how they spend theirs.

Everyone’s budget is different. Don’t force yourself to pay money for something just to fit in, and don’t look down on someone who opts not to shell out their money when you choose to.

26. Don’t put too much energy into trying to fill the holes in your life with things that don’t matter.

Concern yourself with memories, not impressions.

27. Be able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes.

It gives you perspective you didn’t think you needed.

28. You can be strong and fragile at the same time.

You can be a lot of paradoxes, actually. I’m a walking oxymoron.

29. Don’t compare yourself to others.

Live your own authentic life.

30. You are worthy of love and you are never a burden.

I have to remind myself of this almost daily, but I’m slowly recognizing its truth.

What is one thing you would tell an older or younger version of yourself? Share your words of wisdom in the comments below!

On Unrequited Love: The Art of Break-Ups From the Mouth of a Dumpee

When I commit–to anything–I give it my everything. I will nurture a relationship even as it is being dragged under, spluttering, drowning. I will throw it a life raft time and again, resuscitating it even when I can feel, deep down, that the river is going to win.

When I fall, I fall hard. My heart is an urn, filling with memories. And when it’s knocked down, each beat shatters the ceramic further, fissures growing into chasms until my storage of recollections explodes painfully before me.

I consider myself a strong, confident and independent woman. And while I’m proud to maintain my independence in a relationship, I still crumble in love. But when you give of yourself entirely to something, someone…how can you not?

I am two for three when it comes to unrequited love. I have an excellent track record of being the one who gets dumped in a relationship. And it has been over a decade since a man told me he loved me.

For so long, this had me questioning: Am I unlovable?

One of my first relationships saw an incredibly painful break-up. A few months after we started dating, I told him I loved him. But, notorious for my bad timing, I sobbed it to him to clarify a misunderstanding–that misunderstanding being why I was acting so weird.

I shouted, truthfully: “It’s because I’m in love with you!”

I wasn’t even in love with me at that moment, but I didn’t anticipate having to spend the next year holding back my feelings.

In whispers, I repeated my profession of love to him only three more times in our relationship. “You know I love you, right?” I once said. “I know,” he responded.

He knew.

And I knew.

You can’t force love.

And you can’t wait forever.

When I called him over one evening to talk, seeing our relationship disintegrate before my eyes, fearing its demise, the night ended with me punching my concrete wall repeatedly. I wanted to break something to counter my breaking heart. But the wall wouldn’t break.

We were both crying, but he was the only one who could see any practicality at that point, that our tears were only sucking us dry. He said I was amazing and beautiful, but we were just too different.

“Tell me it will be okay,” I pleaded.

And he did. He grabbed my shoulders and told me I would get through this, that I would be okay. And then he stood to leave.

But it was past midnight. I wasn’t ready to be alone with myself in a cramped apartment with a wall that wouldn’t break. I wasn’t ready to be alone with the memories of us and the hurt of that night that overshadowed any promise of tomorrow. So I ran.

I sprinted barefoot in forty degree weather down the street in my sketchy neighborhood. I ran from my pain and the puddles of my tears. I ran from the truth and I ran from him.

But he followed me. Goddammit, he wouldn’t let me run.

He walked me back to my apartment and made me promise to stay inside. And because I could see I was hurting him, I promised. I don’t break my promises.

I am an emotional, sensitive and empathetic person, but my pain blinded me to his.

I fight endlessly for my relationships because I believe so strongly in change, compromise, communication and second chances. But I’ve realized another reason I hang on so tightly.

I know heartbreak. I have felt it so deeply that it creates a hole in my chest. It has consumed me so much that I forget to take care of myself. Break-ups are a part of life. And though I always come out stronger, I would never wish heartache upon anyone.

Because of this, I would rather have my heart broken than break someone else’s.

But pain can make us selfish. Yes, the experience of heartbreak is unique for everyone but it is not unique to everyone.

I assumed that when I closed my door and he got in his car for the long drive home, his tears had stopped coming. I assumed that while I was wailing, he was watching the stars through his window, relieved. I assumed that when I dialed my friend to tell her I needed her, he was thinking of what time he had to get up in the morning for work.

Because he never loved me. So how could he be hurting just the same?

While I never fully knew the journey he went through to heal, or how long it took him to get over me, I do know his tears didn’t stop just then.

We didn’t talk much after that night. I try to be friends with my exes; it doesn’t always work out. But he did send a message a few days later to make sure I was okay, in the same breath admitting that he was still crying.

He’ll never know how that one message helped me, not just then, but in future relationships. I’ve never understood why a man doesn’t see that I’m worth fighting for, but at least I know that I am not unlovable. He didn’t love me in the same way I loved him, but he sure as hell cared about me.

Wherever he is, I hope he has found someone worth fighting for.

And one day, I’ll find someone who wants to fight for me.

**Please Note: Some changes have been made in courtesy of anonymity.

I Don’t Want to Live Forever, But I Want to Leave Behind Something That Does

An ex-boyfriend once asked me what I want to get out of life. My reply came so quickly you’d think I’d been mulling over the perfect response for a week.

But in truth, I think I’ve just always lived my life this way. I’m pretty sure the response was actually hard-wired into my developing brain before I even came out of the womb.

I told him:

“I want to be happy… I want to have beautiful, true relationships with people… And I don’t want to live forever, but I want to leave behind something that does.”

Some people will mention success, but I believe happiness precedes success, and that success is subjective.

Many people will rattle off a long list of milestones and accomplishments.

I could have said I want to see the world, to have grand adventures, to tell my story and learn the stories of others. I could have said I want to write and act and save animals and get married and raise children. But those are all just forks on a path leading to the same destination.

I could have said I want to change the world.

Because I did, I do. And in my own way, I believe I am.

At the heart of it all, I want to be remembered when I leave this earth. Not by name, not by face, but by what I do with my passions.

I want to be significant.

I want my life to have significance.

I want to create significance.

As both an artist and a scientist, I am making my mark on the world.

Humans are often depicted as either left-brained or right-brained, but I constantly find myself smack dab in the middle. I am equally as analytical as I am creative. I used to think it was such a strange combination, opposing forces rolling around my synapses.

But I can’t think of any two fields of study that are more actively engaged, that are more actively leaving something behind on this planet.

Scientists are working so that future generations can exist. Centuries ago, they made discoveries that we are still appreciating today.

Artists are writing stories, shooting films, choreographing dances, playing music, painting pictures, taking photos. Millenia after it was created, we are still appreciating art.

I want my great-great-great-great grandchildren to spot sea turtles in the ocean because I helped save them from extinction. I want my children’s children’s children to know empathy because they felt it in the movies I made.

I want the future generations to chase their dreams because I wrote about chasing mine.

 

Beach Essentials: How to Make the Most Out of Your Sandy Relaxation

When I lived the island life, I quickly developed a habit of grabbing the same beach necessities every time I headed to the water.

While the coast of Washington doesn’t see me snorkeling like I did in the Bahamas and Florida Keys, I still pack my beach sack with the same things, excluding snorkel gear.

Here’s a list of beach essentials that I recommend you carry to make the most of your shoreline adventure:

 1. Travel games

I refuse to go to the beach without Bananagrams and a deck of cards. Even if I’m going solo. Sometimes it’s too windy for cards, so keep that in mind before playing Solitaire or Rummy. And sometimes sea gulls will swoop in and steal the letter tiles for Bananagrams, particularly the coveted vowels. Here’s proof.

 2. Water

It is of course important to stay hydrated while soaking up the sun, but I also never go anywhere without a water bottle. Drinking fountains are just too far away from my beach towel anyway.

 3. Headphones

I always bring music with me. If it’s a crowded beach, I am most likely going to be plugging in the tunes. If I’m traveling, I play music from my outdated iPod (read: songs from 2000–expect lots of High School Musical).

However, if the sound of nature overpowers the tourists, I forego the headphones. Puget Sound surprised me last summer with a delightfully vocal group of seals and sea lions!

 4. Blanket

In addition to the obvious beach towel, I usually bring along a comfy dedicated beach blanket. My blanket of choice has morphed between various styles over the years as they become soiled with seaweed and saltwater.

 5. Camera

The best moments in life can’t be relived in a photograph, but nature constantly has beauty to behold. When I lived in Long Island, Bahamas, I kicked myself every time I got to the sea turtle cove and the camera was either forgotten or uncharged. Now I make sure I’ve got a means of snapping a picture if the opportunity presents itself.

 6.Waterproof shoes

Many of my beach adventures turn into hikes along old coral beds, which can’t be done in flip flops. I had to retire my last pair of Scuba booties, but any sort of waterproof shoes will do. (We called them aqua shoes in Ohio, but I’ve been told that is not a universal term. WHAT DO PEOPLE CALL THEM!?) Keens are also great! I wore out my pair in Florida–they’re not made for saltwater.

7. Other games

In addition to handheld games, I like to be active with other games on the beach. (I loooooooooooove games.) Growing up spending the summers on Lake Erie, my sisters and I played a minimum of two board games a day. Game pieces actually got lost in the sand and were recovered in future years during sandcastle building, hole digging and people-burying.

In case you’re feeling a 90s throwback, the beach board games of my youth included:

• Pizza Party
• Mall Madness
• Sorry!
• Guess Who
• Ready, Set, Spaghetti!
• Hi-Ho-Cheerio
• Clue
• Scrabble
• Memory
• Chutes and Ladders
• Candy Land

In my 20s (ohmygodImalmost30), I tend to bring a volleyball and cornhole to the beach if I can.

 8. Beach snacks

Snacks at the beach get their own term–“beach snacks”–because they tend to be bite-sized foods that we gravitate toward time and again when packing up for the sand. In my Ohio years, we always had Oreos at the beach. We’d freeze them and then let them melt in the sun. (Fun fact: Oreos are vegan.) Chips ‘n salsa was also a must and usually some fruit, veggie and cracker trays thrown in there. Frozen grapes are great!

Nowadays, I tend to bring fruit and trail mix as well as a sandwich. Check out my healthy, allergy-free recipes for some ideas! It is zero fun having to leave the beach because you’re hungry. Prepare ahead of time to prevent this!

 9. Book

Don’t ever go to the beach without a book. Just don’t do it.

Once, I made the mistake of bringing a book I’d read a few months before. I have regretted it every day since.

Kindles are great; just make sure they’re fully charged!

Sometimes, I also bring my animal identification books (birds, shells, etc.) because once a zoologist, always a zoologist.

 10. Beach cover-up

To protect my skin from the sun but avoid overheating, I have a nifty, flowy, breathable button-up I bring. I apologize that I don’t know what material it is made out of, because this fashion piece is dynamite. If someone could help me out, that’d be fantastic.

 11. Sunglasses

Make sure you have good UV sunglasses, and don’t trade fashion for protection. With good research, I promise you can have both. If you have giant white scleras like myself, take extra caution to protect those eyeballs or you’ll get UV damage like I did! 😦

 12. Notebook and pen

Not only does this come in handy for keeping score in card games, but it’s also a necessity if you’re a writer like myself. When that muse hits you, it starts spewing like a jar of marbles. Be prepared to snag those good ideas before they roll too far.

13. Jar for seashells

To be honest, I usually forget this one, but I am a sucker for beachcombing. I’m always collecting shells, seaglass and rocks on the beaches with which to make little seashell creatures. The beach finds end up going in my teeny backpack (which I much prefer to a tote bag) or in whatever container I have leftover from my lunch.

14. Miscellaneous

I’m limited in how many arms I have, and sometimes I get to the beach on my bike. But when I can carry more items, I’ve also brought or enjoyed the following:

• Hammock (you’ll need trees for this one)
• Chair
• Metal detector (my friend had an underwater one and we found a whole penny!)

Note: This post was inspired by Tripping.com’s Florida Vacation Rentals. If you’re heading to Florida this spring or summer, be sure to visit some of my favorite coastal towns heading south:

• Anna Maria Island
• Sarasota
• Boca Grande
• Florida Keys (all of em!!!!)

What are your beach essentials? Florida and Bahamas friends, I want to hear from you especially! 🙂 

**Please do your part to protect the environment and avoid taking plastic bags to the beach. They blow away in an instant and are mistaken for jellyfish by sea turtles and other animals!**

All photos ©Stacey Venzel, Creative Commons license.

 

50 Things I’ve Learned Since 2015

My life has been a series of catapulting adventures and misadventures since I left the Florida Keys in February 2015. But I’ve never felt more alive.

Here is a non-exhaustive list of some things I learned in the past two years:

1. Some people will be there for you; some will not. Always be the one who is, not the one who isn’t.
2. Dogs cure everything.
3. Date yourself at least once in this lifetime.
4. Be real on social media.
5. Being a member of a community is vital to your own humanity.
6. Almond butter > peanut butter.
7. Everyone has a voice, but some voices are stifled. Be a voice for those who want to be heard but aren’t.
8. It’s okay to be emotional.
9. Never stop asking questions; it’s how you learn.
10. Second chances keep you from second guessing.
11. Not everyone will “get” you. Embrace those who try, forget about those who don’t try.
12. Laugh at yourself often, a minimum of once a day.
13. Friendships are just as valuable as blood and boys.
14. Stopping to smell the flowers is a legitimate excuse for being late.
15. Modern luxuries numb perspective and gratitude.
16. More often than not, strangers are beautiful humans trying to get by just like you.
17. Individual independence is a state too few obtain in life. Seek it.
18. Change precedes growth precedes fulfillment.
19. The city can eat you alive, but it also teaches things you can’t learn anywhere else.
20. Most opportunities you have to make for yourself.
21. Never take an unhitched breath and a normal heart rate for granted.
22. No dream is ever too big. Dream and then do and then repeat.
23. Always flip head over heels for the little things in life.
24. The harder you work for something, the better it tastes.
25. Find the equilibrium between listener and advisor.
26. Self-awareness is a necessary state of living.
27. Forgiveness is an incredible gift. Give of it freely, and accept of it graciously.
28. Know when and how to stand up for yourself.
29. Failure is inevitable. Learn from it.
30. If you sacrifice until your sacrifice is no longer a sacrifice, you’ll be an expert on compromise.
31. Happiness is subjective.
32. Success is subjective.
33. Beauty is subjective.
34. Hate begets hate begets hate.
35. Be funny.
36. Push yourself, but don’t be hard on yourself.
37. Celebrate your accomplishments, even if others don’t understand them.
38. Don’t forget the power of face-to-face conversations.
39. Trust your gut.
40. Be an expert problem solver.
41. Never go anywhere without nail clippers. Hangnails are the devil.
42. If you’re going to lose yourself in something, Nature is a good option.
43. Balance the good with the bad and the old with the new.
44. Believe in something. Be grounded and steadfast in that belief.
45. Not having a car is one of the quickest ways to learn patience.
46. You can be informed about lots of things but you don’t need to know about everything.
47. Cooking over a fire is not the same as cooking over a stove.
48. Fearing for your life is something you never really get over.
49. Some people are toxic, and you have to let them go.
50. Empathy can feel like a curse. See it as an incredible gift.

We only have one life to live. Let’s give it all we’ve got.

I’ll Be the Dandelion and You Can Call Me a Weed

“The difference between a flower and a weed is a judgment.” –Unknown

When I was little, maybe 6 or 7, I used to ask my mom why certain flowers are called weeds.

Plucking dandelions from the lawn, I’d comment, “Aren’t weeds supposed to be ugly? Dandelions are pretty.”

My mom explained to me that a flower is called a weed when it isn’t wanted.

“People don’t want dandelions in their yard, so they’re called weeds.”

When a wildflower pops up among meticulously placed perennials in the garden bed, it’s an invader, unwelcomely disturbing precision. It is the harbinger of mischief in a petaled sea of peace. For where one weed grows, many will follow.

I spent a fair amount of time in the garden growing up, though not always digging up dirt to plant seeds. Sometimes I was looking for four-leaf clovers so my sisters and I could iron them pressed together between two squares of wax paper, preserving luck for generations. Sometimes I was building homes for earthworms and “potato” bugs, arranging pebbles and leaves as sofas and tables for the creepy crawlers of the earth.

My childhood was nurtured by nature, for it has been in the dirt and the grass and the trees and the weeds that I have learned some of life’s greatest lessons.

A small patch of flowers stood out to me on one of the mounds in my mother’s garden. I fell in love with the burgundy flower heads, rimmed with crimson quickly fading into vibrant yellow.

“One of many types of painted daisies,” my mother said. “A weed to some people but not everyone.”

I have seen painted daisies in various colors across dozens of landscapes, but I never came across that color pattern again. Until two years ago when I traipsed through a garbage dump in the Bahamas.

Rummaging through rubbish heaps is a regular pastime on Long Island, Bahamas, where one man’s trash really does become another man’s treasure. On a particularly blistering day, I found myself hopscotching over upturned car doors and broken mirrors heading toward a patch of grass by the dirt road. Empty glass bottles were pinched in my grasp, teetering on the brink of disaster as I scurried to add them to my growing collection in the truck bed.

As my ankles straddled a sullied plank, I looked down at the ground to plan my last jump toward freedom. There at the base of my right foot was a painted daisy, growing tall and wild and proud, echoing the colors I remembered so clearly from two decades ago.

A weed, I thought, that by any other name would smell so sweet.

There among forgotten and discarded man-made possessions grew a tenacious little flower, its wiry spirit disparaging the rolling piles of waste. An invader claiming back the land where once fields of its kind–wildflowers, weeds–likely thrived.

A protester, dreamer, leader, fighter, nonconformist.

Steadfast, virtuous, invincible.

Like the dandelion.

A weed.

“A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” –William Shakespeare

How Living the Simple Life Made Me Indescribably Happy

Photo by S. Venzel.

In the summer of 2009, I spent eight weeks in the Ecuadorian Amazon working at a wildlife rehabilitation center. Living and working in the rainforest, I was isolated from society, surrounded instead by lush canopy, buzzing insects and the local Quechua tribe. The lifestyle was simple and primitive with much of our food coming from the Quechua across the river. Though I lived in a bamboo hut, I was lucky enough to have running water–when the pipes decided to function. Electricity was non-existent, and it in fact made my stay more meaningful than it would have been were I connected with the outside world.

For the next six weeks, I’m a feature writer for Pink Pangea, a women’s travel website. My first article details what primitive living taught me about happiness. You can read the rest of my adventures from my life in the Amazon on my chronological jungle journal published in Perrysburg Messenger Journal.